Am I Missing Something?

Can somebody please help me? There's gotta be a way to pump free-handedly. I have about had it. The other night I decided to have a glass of wine with dinner. Which wasn't the first time since Trey arrived. Usually it was early enough to where I could pump and dump and still be fine to nurse Trey when he woke up in the middle of the night. However, this night was different. One glass turned into a couple glasses and 9 o'clock turned into 11 o'clock. So when Trey woke up at 1:30am for his feeding, I still wasn't able to nurse him. So I'm tired and short-tempered, Trey is screaming his head off while Deo is waiting for the bottle to thaw, and I'm fumbling around with the damn pump. Why do they make a two-breast pump so difficult to use? You're supposed to hold both pumps up to your breasts, and then turn it on, press the let down button when you're ready, and then adjust the setting. Now am I missing something, but how are you supposed to do this while holding the pumps up to you? So it's 1:30am and I'm trying balance the pump on my knee while I'm adjusting the setting, and the darn bottle falls to the floor and spills the milk everywhere. Trey's still screaming, the dogs are looking at me like, "quiet this kid up" and at this point I had it. I came 2 seconds away from grabbing some dang duct tape and slapping it around my body to get the pumps to stay on without me holding them. There has to be something out there that allows you to pump while using as least one of your hands. Come on all you pumping-experienced people out there...is there anything I can do?