Up until this point, I think my pregnancy has been pretty care-free and uneventful. I haven't had any of annoying symptoms I had with Trey; no acne, swelling as been to a minimum, no upper back pain, and I'm still down 35 lbs from where I was with Trey (hopefully I don't gain that 35lbs in next 7 weeks which some days it feels like I will). I joke around with people saying that sometimes I even "forget" that I'm pregnant. I also recently posted about how I've been so carefree and just excited to welcome our new baby into our world and haven't really worrying about anything. Well, that stopped last night at about 10:30pm.
I got into bed, all cozied up and exhausted, ready to fall asleep. Deo has been in Vegas for the past week and I started to think about what would happen if I went into labor right then and there. Being that Deo drove instead of flew, it would be a long trip back unless he decided to purchase a last minute flight which he would most likely have to do. Then my thoughts started to race to how the crib was wasn't changed back to a "crib" from being a toddler bed...we don't have our car seat down from the attic...oh, we needed to buy a new car seat cover...I need to buy nursing pads...do my nursing bras still fit me...where is my pump...uhhh, I don't want to pump at work again....work....I need to get my maternity plan together for my boss...I need to drop off my FMLA forms to HR.....
My heart started pounding out of my chest (similar to what it is doing right now as I'm typing this). My hands got cold and clammy. I couldn't catch my breath. I breathed in and out slowly, trying to calm myself down. I was having a legitimate panic attack. The same exact thing happened to me this morning as I was on my way to work.
I think what may have happened is my 8 months of care free, non-worrying has simply bottle-necked and decided to explode all over me at this point in time. Maybe because now it's all becoming a little too real that we will have 2 kids instead of 1. Maybe it's just because we don't really have much done with respect to "preparing" our house or me preparing from my absence of work, and once that's done I'll feel better. Maybe it's just me nesting. Who knows? All I do know is that the fear and worry are definitely letting themselves known finally and it doesn't feel good!
3 comments:
Ugh. That's terrible. I hope that was the end of it :)
Just keep on, keeping on... All that not so fun stuff will pass - "This too shall pass..." = best line for parenting/pregnancy/etc
So I can't say I had panic attacks, but I will say that I think from both pregnancies, I was the most emotional in the last 2 months before Abby was born. The impending "OMG, we're going to have TWO kids" plus the "OMG what have I done to Ben" feelings were so strong. But it's so amazing having both kids that I can barely remember those feelings now. So as LB says, "This too shall pass..." =)
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